I just finished reading the extraordinary novel Memoirs of a Geisha. First of all, I'd love to get my hands on Geisha of Gion, which is the authentic autobiography of the geisha who was the main inspiration and source fro Golden's novel. Second of all, I feel that my life has lost meaning, I'm not spewing emo crap here, I'm being absolutely honest. All I do is go to school, struggle through a half-day of duing almost nothing useful, then I go home, struggle to study and get something of the nonsense I learned in my head so I don't get a bad mark from a test, and in the end, despite having studied, I get the bad mark, and my mood goes to hell. why does my mood and my good feeling have to be connected to stupid numbers (we get numbers as marks) that really say nothing of who I am or what I am good at? School has lost its meaning for me, but i can't very well just leave it, because if I did, I'd be able to do nothing properly..as in I'd get no good work, because these days, if one hasn't got at least the Magister title, one's as good as screwed and will live a fairly miserable life. Not even Bachelor is sufficient. And the idea that I have yet to finish only high school sickens me. I have no time for the things I'd love to do and which would be much more useful to me, like learning Japanese, Suomi and Spanish, drawing and thus developing my artistic skill, dancing, volleyball...really, it pisses me off, and the thing that pisses me off the most is that I can do next to nothing about it. The only things keeping my head above the tide right now are the singing lessons I get, even though they're not enough either, because I can't work on my voice at home for various reasons.

Sometimes I really wish I was a rich bastard's pampered child who has everything she ever wished for...but then I realize it would be no good, because I'd get bored so easily, and I wouldn't be at all grateful for what I had.